1 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,101 ("RED DWARF" THEME) 2 00:01:00,293 --> 00:01:05,959 I understand you played an idiotic prank on a senior and much-respected officer yesterday. 3 00:01:06,133 --> 00:01:09,694 That is not true. We played the prank on Mr Ackerman, sir. 4 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:13,306 - I mean Mr Ackerman. - Oh, I see. 5 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:15,065 What happened? 6 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:20,270 We inserted a capsule of the truth serum sodium Pentothal into his aspirin inhaler. 7 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:27,115 Which is why he rushed onto the bridge this morning, apologised for being late, 8 00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:31,587 saying he'd been having jiggy-jiggy with the science officer's wife, 9 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:35,990 and hadn't allowed enough time to change out of his Batman outfit. 10 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,362 Permission to snigger, sir. 11 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,000 Permission refused. 12 00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:46,037 May have to snigger anyway, sir. 13 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:50,643 - Do either of you have anything to say? - About what, sir? 14 00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:55,747 About Mr Ackerman. About him being late and wearing a Batman outfit. 15 00:01:55,916 --> 00:01:59,875 Has he considered being Tarzan? Costume change would be much quicker. 16 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:08,190 You two are both serving a two-year sentence in the brig. Do you wanna get out ever? 17 00:02:08,361 --> 00:02:10,921 It's just that Mr Ackerman's so... 18 00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,095 ...horrible, sir. 19 00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,360 I am not, sir! 20 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,138 I'm extremely nice! 21 00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,433 Lovely, in fact. 22 00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:25,271 Warm, caring, but most of all, nice. 23 00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:31,516 Hence my nickname - Nicey Ackerman. That's why I entered the service, sir - 24 00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:37,180 so I could share my sunny disposition with inmate scum who didn't have my start in life. 25 00:02:37,357 --> 00:02:39,951 He's been horrible from the day we met him. 26 00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,151 Today, we have a new intake. 27 00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:46,060 To them I say, obey the rules, 28 00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:51,603 keep out of trouble, and your time here will pass much more pleasantly. 29 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,906 Welcome to floor 13. 30 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,707 He seems like a nice guy. 31 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,620 If you want to speak, ask my permission. 32 00:03:08,788 --> 00:03:12,315 - I was just saying how nice you seemed. - You spoke again. 33 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,460 I was paying you a compliment, buddy! 34 00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:23,763 I was saying you seemed to be a fair-minded guy, not one of these psycho types. 35 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,404 You spoke again! 36 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,267 Come on. Back me up. 37 00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:32,741 Hang on. Wait. I get it. I'll shut up. 38 00:03:32,912 --> 00:03:35,073 I'll shut up. Now stop hitting me. 39 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,079 That is definitely... 40 00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:51,393 - That is totally untrue, sir. - Save it, Mr Ackerman. 41 00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:56,558 I thought long and hard about a suitable punishment and I've come up with this. 42 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,499 You and a team of your choice 43 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:02,699 will play basketball against a team of guards led by Mr Ackerman. 44 00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:05,344 God bless you, sir. 45 00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:11,876 Where you will be trounced and humiliated in front of the entire inmate population. 46 00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:15,613 If we lose, Baxter and his cronies will beat us to a pulp. 47 00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:16,983 You'd better win, then. 48 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:42,981 Here, guys. Way to go! 49 00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:48,678 - You were supposed to be picking up Rice. - I did. We're meeting for drinks on Thursday. 50 00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:54,657 - Not that kind of picking up, you ninny! - We gotta stop arguing. We can't lose this. 51 00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:59,026 - It's all taken care of. - As soon as the guards swig their juice. 52 00:04:59,199 --> 00:05:04,068 A skutter's got something out of the medi lab - that stuff that helps impotent guys. 53 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:09,504 - Boing, the virility enhancement drug? - Yeah. We've Mickey Finned their drinks. 54 00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:15,239 Within seconds, you're harder than a quadratic equation. It doesn't wear off for seven hours. 55 00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:20,318 Those guys are going to be like catapults! That will seriously slow them down. 56 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:23,820 Try moving fast with a fishing pole in your pants! 57 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:28,017 Get out there and kill. They're lambs to the slaughter. 58 00:05:28,194 --> 00:05:29,923 Go on. 59 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:38,167 (WHISTLE) 60 00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:51,714 Come on. Get your hands up! 61 00:06:25,718 --> 00:06:27,948 Get your hands on the ball and shoot! 62 00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,739 Seven hours. 63 00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,511 Do you know how long that is? 64 00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:37,952 I couldn't remove my shorts until after midnight. 65 00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:43,361 When I wanted a leak, I had to do a handstand on the toilet seat. 66 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:49,166 I stopped the lift doors from closing - I wasn't even catching a lift. 67 00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:51,599 - Did it come from the medi lab? - Yes. 68 00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:55,673 How? If it was one of those damn skutters, I'll have it crushed. 69 00:07:56,643 --> 00:08:01,637 It was me, sir, when the doc's back was turned. I went to the medi lab for a sick note, 70 00:08:01,848 --> 00:08:06,182 but the doc didn't accept it was possible to have athlete's hand. 71 00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:10,919 First thing tomorrow, you're on spud duty for two weeks. 72 00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:13,285 Now get out of my sight, both of youse. 73 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,996 Hah! 74 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,946 - (LISTER SIGHS) - Stuck? 75 00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:41,416 - Yeah. God, this is hard! - Are you doing a crossword? 76 00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:43,988 No, join the dots. 77 00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:47,888 - What number are you stuck on? - 124. 78 00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:51,630 124... 79 00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,857 124... 80 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,968 Have you tried 125? 81 00:08:57,136 --> 00:09:00,594 I know the number. It's finding it that's the hard bit. 82 00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:03,003 I'm not some brain-dead simpleton. 83 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:05,144 Ah, there it is. 84 00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:10,115 Look at that. It's a bucket and spade! 85 00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:17,186 It's clever that, isn't it? 86 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,019 Ah, supper! 87 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:28,727 Are we supposed to tip them? I'm never sure. 88 00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:38,106 I've seen things more appetising on the floors of elephant houses. 89 00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:41,508 Only a total idiot would eat this. 90 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:49,351 They call this meat? 91 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:54,653 My grandmother's buttocks deep-fried in old chip fat would taste better than this. 92 00:09:54,827 --> 00:09:57,159 We're on the punishment menu now. 93 00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:01,198 - No chips, no ice cream. - Because we're on punishment detail? 94 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:05,633 Yeah. Kill Crazy says this is cloning experiments that have gone wrong 95 00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,273 with gravy slopped over to disguise it. 96 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:12,207 You waited until I was swallowing to say that, didn't you? 97 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:16,104 He swears he got something with two noses in it. 98 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:19,183 He didn't. They can't do that. It's illegal. 99 00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:21,343 His starter sneezed. 100 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:25,618 - Jimbo Steele was a witness. - Kill Crazy's insane. 101 00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:31,662 He's got lots of strange ideas. He reckons when they flush a loo on a plane, it drops out. 102 00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:37,703 That's why you can't go to the lav when the plane's standing on the runway - 103 00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,861 for fear of skid starts. 104 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,901 - He's probably right. - Of course he isn't. 105 00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:48,877 - Why else won't they let you go? - I don't know. 106 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:51,915 Maybe they're helping you break up the journey. 107 00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:56,613 If you went first off, you'd have nothing to do after you'd eaten your cheese. 108 00:10:56,789 --> 00:11:01,886 Kill Crazy's probably right. That's why houses on the flight path are so cheap. 109 00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:08,997 - Because of all the flushing planes? - Think about it. 110 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,636 You can't sunbathe or have a barbecue, 111 00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:15,638 and you have to go out in a washable hat and leg it to your car. 112 00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:20,640 It's the noise. Houses on the flight path are cheap because of the noise. 113 00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:24,078 The noise? But they're half a mile up. 114 00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:27,708 You'd never hear people on the loo from that distance. 115 00:11:29,756 --> 00:11:33,988 - Not unless they were like my Uncle Dan. - Not eating? 116 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,151 Yeah. In a minute. 117 00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:38,194 (TAPPING) 118 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:39,922 Tee-hah! 119 00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:50,036 Ooh! Chicken vindaloo! 120 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,075 Nice one, Bob! 121 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,114 You didn't forget the poppadoms, did you? 122 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,390 Here's something for you. 123 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:20,367 - Same time tomorrow. - (SQUEAKY KISS) 124 00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:29,246 Cheers. 125 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,592 Did he get the stiffening solution for the basketball game? 126 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:44,992 Yeah, he can get anything, can Bob. 127 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:49,232 - A claw in every pie! - Tomorrow, we're on spud duty, 128 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:53,463 and those knives are as sharp as a chemistry teacher's cardigan. 129 00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:58,303 Can he get us a couple of good potato peelers? 130 00:12:58,477 --> 00:13:01,844 Hang on. I'm onto something here. 131 00:13:02,014 --> 00:13:07,680 Forget the potato peelers. We want one of those programmable viruses from the science block. 132 00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,822 Programmable what? 133 00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:13,982 They were on Z deck. I wonder if the nanos have reconstructed them. 134 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:17,994 You can programme them to do anything you want. You name it. 135 00:13:18,164 --> 00:13:22,794 We could programme them to eat the potato skins and leave the rest intact. 136 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,460 We wouldn't have to lift a finger. 137 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:29,039 Two weeks of hell would become potato paradise. 138 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:34,443 I'll get on the blower to Bob's missus. She'll take a message. 139 00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,742 - Bob's got a missus? - Yeah, Madge. She's amazing. 140 00:13:37,917 --> 00:13:39,908 0 to 60 in under ten minutes. 141 00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,914 (RHYTHMIC TAPPING) 142 00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:54,265 (RHYTHMIC TAPPING IN RESPONSE) 143 00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:57,425 (RHYTHMIC TAPPING) 144 00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:03,601 (SINGLE TAP IN RESPONSE) 145 00:14:04,877 --> 00:14:07,038 (RHYTHMIC TAPPING) 146 00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:08,874 - (TWO TAPS) - (TWO TAPS) 147 00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:12,484 (EXCHANGE OF RAPID TAPPING) 148 00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:15,543 - (TWO TAPS) - (THREE TAPS) 149 00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:17,518 - Damn! - Can't they help us? 150 00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:20,181 No. Wrong number. 151 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,663 I got the Chinese laundry. 152 00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,872 Do you need anything ironing? 153 00:14:57,396 --> 00:15:02,766 Remember, two entire battalions went missing from this ship. Vanished without trace. 154 00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,665 We must stick together and remain vigilant. 155 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:09,467 You lose concentration for a split second, 156 00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:13,738 and you're all alone and easy pickings for some hostile life-form. 157 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:18,077 I know you think I'm a fusspot when it comes to safety procedures, 158 00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:21,686 but it's staying alert that has kept us all... 159 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,913 Kept us... 160 00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:28,293 (TINY VOICE) Hello. 161 00:15:29,829 --> 00:15:32,992 Oh, Creator! I'm on my own. 162 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,791 Hey, buddy. We're in here. 163 00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:44,636 What is the point of my "Stay alert, everyone" pep talk if no one is listening? 164 00:15:44,810 --> 00:15:47,335 - What? - Look at this. 165 00:15:50,249 --> 00:15:51,807 What are they, Hol? 166 00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:56,148 They look uncannily like something you should be very afraid of. 167 00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,381 - What? - Mime artists. 168 00:16:00,393 --> 00:16:04,796 They chase you in trendy town centres and freeze when you look at them. 169 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:08,491 - Everyone laughs at you. - I've never seen this before. 170 00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:13,604 A group of men who display the normal life signs but seem incapable of movement. 171 00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:16,970 Never seen QPR play away, then. 172 00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:21,675 "Tempus." That's Latin for "time". 173 00:16:21,847 --> 00:16:25,078 I didn't even know the Romans built spaceships. 174 00:16:25,251 --> 00:16:30,985 Somehow, this device has caused time to freeze. Obviously, they used it erroneously. 175 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:35,952 Where did... 176 00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:39,762 ...you come from, and how did... 177 00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:44,698 ...you get hold of that? 178 00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:46,394 It's some kind of tem... 179 00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:47,869 ...porary sto... 180 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,304 ...rage unit. 181 00:16:50,476 --> 00:16:51,773 Extraordinary! 182 00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:55,675 This could be a great device for settling arguments! 183 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,145 Don't mess... 184 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,711 ...with that thing. It can re... 185 00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:04,786 ...ally screw... 186 00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,925 ...ooh-ooh-ooh... 187 00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,457 ...you up. 188 00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:14,292 It appears to digitise time and then download it and store it on a hard drive. 189 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:18,130 This pure time can then be uploaded into objects or places. 190 00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:20,829 - To freeze people? - They're not frozen. 191 00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:25,773 - They're operating in a different time stream. - So they're moving, but slowly? 192 00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:29,881 About the same speed as the average Little Chef waitress. 193 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:34,315 That's why they don't appear to be doing anything. 194 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:41,893 So this device has the ability to make time come to a complete stop. What else can it do? 195 00:17:46,932 --> 00:17:50,163 What's happened? Kryten, why are you so big, 196 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:54,102 and why do I suddenly feel like a Vimto? 197 00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:57,401 Wagh! You gotta get me back to normal! 198 00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:02,547 Do something. I can't go back like this! 199 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:07,743 Why not? You may only be three feet tall, but you're both as cute as buttons. 200 00:18:13,192 --> 00:18:16,855 - What's happened to my hair? - And what's happened to mine? 201 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:21,398 You look like the Turkish entry in the Eurovision Song Contest. 202 00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:27,101 It seems to have restored your hair to a previous time period to the rest of you. 203 00:18:32,678 --> 00:18:35,670 It's regressed your outfits to a previous time. 204 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:40,182 You still look like the Turkish entry in the Eurovision Song Contest. 205 00:18:43,155 --> 00:18:45,988 Here's a question. Can you unfreeze these guys 206 00:18:46,158 --> 00:18:49,992 but take them back in time so they have no memory of finding this? 207 00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:53,962 - I think so. Why? - If we can smuggle this thing onto Red Dwarf, 208 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,829 it can make our prison terms pass in seconds. 209 00:18:57,002 --> 00:19:00,301 Leave this to me. I have an excellent place to conceal it. 210 00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:12,281 (SQUEAKS THEME FROM "THE GREAT ESCAPE") 211 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:18,414 Nice one, Bob! 212 00:19:21,026 --> 00:19:24,894 (CHOIR SINGS DRAMATIC OPERA-TYPE THEME) 213 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:50,545 - It's not working, is it? - Give it a bit of time to get going. 214 00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:55,125 Look... Look. 215 00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:58,355 - It's working on this one. - Yes! 216 00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:02,091 - And here's another. And another. - Yes! 217 00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,828 And another! Fan-smegging-tastic. 218 00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:08,701 We're on our way. They'll do the whole damn room in minutes. 219 00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:12,509 - What's happened to your sleeve, man? - What? 220 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:15,772 - Your sleeve. - My God! They're eating my clothes. 221 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,506 (LAUGHS) 222 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,783 Well? 223 00:20:58,557 --> 00:21:01,321 It wasn't me, sir, it was him. He made me do it. 224 00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:03,961 You Judas! We'd agreed to refuse to talk. 225 00:21:04,129 --> 00:21:06,791 Let me blame you, then I'll refuse to talk. 226 00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,963 If I ever, ever see you in this office again, 227 00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:13,934 then you're in the hole. Is that what you want? 228 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:17,098 - (BOTH) No, sir. - Well, then. Get out. 229 00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:20,245 Thank you, sir. Thank you. 230 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:30,752 You haven't been to the medi bay to get this virus off, have you? 231 00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:34,757 - I probably shouldn't have shaken your hand. - Big mistake. 232 00:21:34,927 --> 00:21:37,623 - We'll be going, sir. - Right now. 233 00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:41,257 That's it! 234 00:21:41,834 --> 00:21:43,165 Two months 235 00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:44,927 in the hole! 236 00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:47,800 Sir, what about me athlete's hand? 237 00:21:47,973 --> 00:21:49,702 Now! 238 00:21:55,147 --> 00:21:58,605 (KRYTEN) We zap the ship with a two-year download of time. 239 00:21:58,784 --> 00:22:02,345 The records will show that we are free to be released. 240 00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:04,182 This machine's amazing! 241 00:22:04,356 --> 00:22:08,156 Can it do boob jobs, too? I'm just thinking about the future. 242 00:22:09,595 --> 00:22:12,758 - You spilt my soup. - Sorry, Baxter, non-bud. 243 00:22:12,931 --> 00:22:14,922 It was an accident. 244 00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:18,633 Hot Bovril. 245 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:22,436 Agh! 246 00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,787 Grr! 247 00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:43,120 Look at him. The big lug. I'd hate to clean the bath out after him. 248 00:22:43,295 --> 00:22:48,130 You'd need a sander to get rid of the tide mark and a leaf vac to hoover the hair. 249 00:22:49,368 --> 00:22:51,529 Fix him. Fix him with the time wand. 250 00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,068 Watch this. 251 00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:03,441 (LAUGHS) 252 00:23:23,001 --> 00:23:26,437 - Hello! - There's someone in here with us! 253 00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:29,096 Yeah, it's that bloke sitting next to you. 254 00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:33,370 - Who are you? - They call me Birdman. 255 00:23:33,545 --> 00:23:35,103 Why's that? 256 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,148 Because he really likes instant custard (!) Why do you think? 257 00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:46,716 This is Pete. He's nine years old, which in sparrow years is... 258 00:23:46,892 --> 00:23:49,383 ...nine years old. 259 00:23:49,561 --> 00:23:51,722 So, that makes him... 260 00:23:52,831 --> 00:23:54,355 Nine? 261 00:23:54,533 --> 00:23:57,229 Nine! That's right. Met him before, have you? 262 00:23:58,504 --> 00:24:00,904 Two months of this! God! 263 00:24:01,073 --> 00:24:03,405 (DRILLING) 264 00:24:05,010 --> 00:24:06,307 What's this? 265 00:24:09,615 --> 00:24:13,244 (SQUEAKING "GREAT ESCAPE" THEME) 266 00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:26,558 (RIMMER) What happened? (LISTER) They're all frozen on the spot. 267 00:24:28,066 --> 00:24:31,194 Yvonne McGruder did this when I tried to kiss her. 268 00:24:31,370 --> 00:24:33,770 This'll drive them crazy! 269 00:24:48,153 --> 00:24:50,951 - (KRIS) Hey! - Guys! 270 00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:54,320 - Buddies! - This is Birdman. 271 00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:55,960 And this is Pete. 272 00:24:56,128 --> 00:25:00,360 We found this machine that can digitise time. We can release jets of it. 273 00:25:00,532 --> 00:25:03,296 It can make our sentence pass in a nano second. 274 00:25:03,468 --> 00:25:05,402 Hats off, sirs. 275 00:25:07,773 --> 00:25:11,106 - There's something wrong with Pete. - What? 276 00:25:11,276 --> 00:25:13,301 He's gone all stiff! 277 00:25:13,478 --> 00:25:16,538 He must have drunk the guards' half-time juice. 278 00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:18,876 Not that kind of stiff. He's dead. 279 00:25:19,851 --> 00:25:22,820 The excitement of being free has killed him! 280 00:25:22,988 --> 00:25:27,322 He really loved that bird. It was the only thing that kept him going. 281 00:25:27,492 --> 00:25:33,192 I think the time wand could bring Pete back to life - make him young and strong again. 282 00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:34,832 Watch. 283 00:25:47,446 --> 00:25:49,471 (ROAR) 284 00:25:49,648 --> 00:25:51,878 - Holy... ...smeg! 285 00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:56,077 (ROAR) 286 00:25:56,254 --> 00:25:59,417 Where the hell did Barney's ugly brother come from? 287 00:26:00,525 --> 00:26:03,790 From Pete, sir. Birds are descended from dinosaurs. 288 00:26:03,962 --> 00:26:07,728 I inadvertently reversed evolution several million years. 289 00:26:12,771 --> 00:26:17,208 An old Cat saying has particular relevance here. It goes like this - 290 00:26:17,376 --> 00:26:20,937 we are all gonna die! 291 00:26:21,113 --> 00:26:23,604 Pete? Is that you, Pete? 292 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:25,713 Birdman! 293 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:32,488 (SNEEZES) 294 00:26:34,926 --> 00:26:36,393 Gesundheit. 295 00:26:38,196 --> 00:26:40,027 You want some seed? 296 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,629 That's a no, then, is it? 297 00:26:47,506 --> 00:26:48,905 What now, sir? 298 00:26:49,074 --> 00:26:51,736 Follow the Rimmer-shaped blur! 299 00:26:54,813 --> 00:26:58,146 (POUNDING FOOTSTEPS) 300 00:27:09,695 --> 00:27:13,426 (SONG) It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere 301 00:27:13,598 --> 00:27:16,692 I'm all alone, more or less 302 00:27:16,868 --> 00:27:19,996 Let me fly far away from here 303 00:27:20,172 --> 00:27:22,902 Fun, fun, fun 304 00:27:23,075 --> 00:27:26,841 In the sun, sun, sun 305 00:27:27,012 --> 00:27:30,243 I want to lie, shipwrecked and comatose 306 00:27:30,415 --> 00:27:33,384 Drinking fresh mango juice 307 00:27:33,552 --> 00:27:36,817 Goldfish shoals, nibbling at my toes 308 00:27:36,988 --> 00:27:39,718 Fun, fun, fun 309 00:27:39,891 --> 00:27:43,452 In the sun, sun, sun 310 00:27:43,628 --> 00:27:46,426 Fun, fun, fun 311 00:27:46,598 --> 00:27:50,534 In the sun, sun, sun